


One can of ass-whooping, coming right up!

by MetalMistress



Series: Invader Zim: After The Florpus [7]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Culture, Alien Technology, Alien Tentacle Peen, Aliens, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author is not responsible for any fluff-induced comas or cavities, Badass Zim (Invader Zim), Claiming, Claiming Bites, Creative Insults, Dib Being Creepy (Invader Zim), Dib Being an Asshole (Invader Zim), Dib pisses everybody off, Dib-centric (Invader Zim), Domestic Fluff, Dork Dib (Invader Zim), Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I Refuse To Pay Your Medical Bills, Insane Dib (Invader Zim), Mating Bites, Not an Irken, Post-Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus, Smut smut here, Tall Zim (Invader Zim), The Author Regrets Nothing, They make absolutely no sense, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, You kick a snotty 12 year olds ass, Zim Has a Praise Kink (Invader Zim), Zim is a sweet insecure green boi, and a smut smut there, because you put him in his place this time!, but in this fic he's a snotty 12 year old who needs his ass beat because he has no manners, but its okay, dont get me wrong I like Dib, dont piss off the alien assassin, reader is an alien, who is also very horny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 02:13:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MetalMistress/pseuds/MetalMistress
Summary: Remember that time Zim beat up Dib for getting too handsy with his mate in the grocery store? Yeah, he didn't learn his lesson. Only this time, he has to deal with you and you're not going to be gentle....at all.
Relationships: Zim (Invader Zim)/Reader
Series: Invader Zim: After The Florpus [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543243
Comments: 24
Kudos: 71





	One can of ass-whooping, coming right up!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenofAngstandSin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenofAngstandSin/gifts).



> Hello, pets. ♥
> 
> This fic is a little different! Because it's in honor of a reader who has inspired me so much that I could cry. This has been compiled with several ideas floating around on my brainz. Y'all wanted something a little angsty, so I turned on my edgy music and tried to deliver. Just keep in mind that fluff and smut are my specialties, ehehehe.
> 
> Also, Zim has a praise kink. You cannot tell me otherwise. He is a switch, and you can NOT tell me otherwise. Lmao

Another day, Another chance for total world domination.  
At least, that's what Zim says.

You and your mate are sleeping in this morning; yesterday had been a really rough day for you both. Zim had gotten another migraine from working all night, and he had unsuccessfully tried to appease the Tallest yet again with another one of his discoveries. He tried to tell them another of the strange customs of the humans, and they had completely blown him off. Zim had become visibly shaken by their obvious disdain for him, so you had stepped into frame to help calm him down. The Tallest, were surprised to see you, a Vexen, on planet earth. Then they saw the mating bite on your neck and had put two-and-two together. They started making fun of you for picking Zim, who they called 'pathetic'. That wasn't what surprised you.  
What _did_ surprise you however, was the way that Zim tore into his Tallest for making fun of you. "Make fun of **ZIM** all you want, but do **not** make fun of my mate." He had said in a threatening tone. The Tallest looked... shocked in all honesty. It completely surprised you as well, because you had fully expected Zim to just grin and bear it because he usually holds the Tallest in such high regard. You had entirely expected them to come before you, in a sense.

He had promptly ended the call with them, not giving them a chance to recover from his sudden outburst. You asked if it was wrong of you to try to comfort him in front of the Tallest and he had turned to you so fast you'd thought he'd fall out of his chair. " ** _No_**. I do not want you to feel as if you have to... restrain or... subdue your feelings for me. You are my partner, my equal, my mate. You are the best thing that has happened to me on this filthy, disgusting planet, and the last thing I want is for you to feel as if you come second to _anyone_ and that includes both of the Almighty Tallest."  
He had said it so firmly, so confidently that his unwavering devotion for you was very clear in his tone of voice. It had touched your heart so much that you spent an hour just sitting there on the floor and crying into his chest from his sweet words.

So when you woke up today, you already knew you were going to try to thank him and you already knew how.

You and Zim didn't have much, on Earth. You both had to make due with what you had and what you could get. Didn't matter to you both how you got by. Between your stealth skills, and GIR's amount of sheer stupid luck, getting by had been a breeze. You'd steal something if you didn't have the monies for it, and GIR would straight up sweet-talk his way through anything to get what he wanted. (Female human teenagers in particular found him to be so cute in his little green dog suit, it was like taking candy from a baby.)  
  
The point is while you didn't have the means of pleasing him by getting a gift in such short notice, you did have the means of pleasing him in the bedroom. After all, who doesn't fantasize about waking up to their partner's head between their legs?

Which is, by the way, _exactly_ how you planned on waking Zim up this morning.

So as carefully as you could manage, you snuck out of bed and crept over to the bedroom door to lock it. You didn't want GIR walking his little metal butt in and interrupting you or seeing something he shouldn't. Then you slipped back over to the bed, and silently slipped under the bed sheets that covered Zim's side of the bed. His legs were parted, which was just fantastic for what you had in mind. Climbing your way up the bed and in between his legs, you grinned evilly to yourself. This is gonna be _great!_

Zim slept totally nude, which was a huge helper. Claimed all of those pesky layers got in the way of cuddling you and feeling your body heat during the night. 

Taking a hold of the base of his tentacle-like cock, you were happy to find he was already semi-hard. Oooh, is someone having a wet dream? Or just morning wood?

You lick your lips in anticipation. You hadn't done this to Zim before, so you were excited to see how he'd react. You let your worm-like tongue fall out of your mouth and wrap around his cock. You had a tongue similar to Zim's so giving him head was always a fun experience for you. Anyways, you began gently squeezing your tongue around his member and bobbing it up and down the length of his dick. It's like you were giving him a hand job with your tongue, really. You move your actual hand away, so that your tongue is able to go up and down the full length. After a few strokes, you can feel Zim begin to stir beneath you, giving little moans in his sleep. It's like his subconscious mind knows what you're up to, because he's moaning your name a little. 

Definitely was having a wet dream then.

You pick up the pace and reach both hands up to cup his balls, resting your weight on your forearms to hold you up comfortably. You roll them gently in your hands, letting your soft velvety hands fondle them. 

"Mmm... Ahh... w-wha?" Zim groggily moans from above you. He's waking up.

The bed sheets are pulled back, revealing your naked body bent over in all it's glory. When Zim realizes what's going on, his dick throbs in your mouth. This had been a little fantasy of his and he was thrilled that it was being put into reality.

"Ahh..." He moans, his voice still thick from sleep. His hands come down to gently caress your head, and you purr in response to the affectionate gesture.

"L-...L-ife-Mate, what are you-... why-... Ohhh that feels so good.."

You hum contentedly before releasing him with a wet pop. He groans at the loss of your warm, wet mouth and looks up at you through drowsy eyes as he tries to catch his breath a little.

"Why...?" He questions deliriously

"You had a rough night last night. I'm showing my form of devotion." You wink at him. "I also have something for you to try."

He raises an eyebrow at you, still breathing heavy.

"You'll like it. I promise." You lean over and reach under the bed, searching for a box. Your hand bounces around on the floor for a bit. Where is the little- ah! There!

Pulling out a box, you pull out a large vibrating wand. Zim's eyes widen a little.

"Don't panic, It's not going in you. I know you're not into that." You smile softly as you turn it on, the vibrator buzzing to life in your hands. 

"Then what are you planning to- _ah!"_ He speaks, interrupting himself with a moan as you press the wand against the length of his cock. His body shudders and jolts. He breathes in and out rapidly, trying to desperately to focus so he doesn't pop off early.

"Mmm.. How does that feel?"

"It's... different. I like it, I'm just so- _ooh..."_

"Sensitive?" You offer, innocently. "I wonder why."

"It- _ah!_ \- It could have s-something.. to do with.. _ahh..._ how you rode me senseless last night." He gasps and moans.

You hum, and give a playful nod. "Mmm, yeah that might have something to do with it." You say thoughtfully before increasing the vibration. 

"AH!" Zim convulses beneath you. His head snaps up and his eyes widen as he stares at you, outright panting. "It increases!?"

"Mmmmhm." You hum, as you run it up and down the length of his shaft.

His head collapses back on the pillow. He curses in irken and squeezes his eyes shut. "That feels so good. Please don't stop." He whimpers.

You grin widely and lean back down. Your tongue snakes out of your mouth once more, and this time it goes for his balls. He nearly shouts when he feels your warm, slick tongue curling and writhing around his tightening sack. He's so sensitive and overstimulated, you can tell. So, what do you do?

You increase the vibration setting.

He loudly cries out your name, and his hands fly down to your head, each of his hands taking one of your antennae in it's grasp. He tugs on them ever so slightly, and begins rolling his hips in an effort to get more friction. Taking notice of this, you move the vibrator so it focuses on the very tip of his cock, where it's most sensitive. Then, you use your free hand to stroke him off eagerly, increasing the speed of your tongue and your hand so that they are moving in unison at a swift pace. You moan against him, loving the way he is coming undone.

He thrashes beneath you so hard that you have to dig your weight into his legs to keep him still.

"Please, it feels too good! I'm gonna- ah! I'm gonna cum! I'm so close!" He sobs.

You smile, shake off his hands, and withdraw your tongue so you can speak. "Oh yeah? Are you going to be good for me? Are you gonna cum?"

He nods, gritting his teeth. But this isn't good enough for you, oh no.

"C'mon baby, use your words. Don't you wanna be good for me?" You pout playfully. Zim growls at you, but you increase the vibration wand to keep him submissive and to remind him that currently, _you_ are in charge. 

"Yes! Yes, I'm so close, please! Please, oh please let me cum, oh fuck!" Zim whines loudly, bucking his hips wildly.

"Aw, you're so good for me" You coo while stroking him off faster, making Zim whimper at the praise. "Do you want to hear more of what I think?"

He nods wildly, baring his teeth. You decide to let it slide this time, and continue.

"You're so good, Zim. Look at you, writhing and wriggling beneath me. You're so beautiful like this. So good, and so well behaved. All for me. Cum for me, my sweet mate."

He cries out loudly, and thrusts his hips upward into your hand one last time before he cums everywhere. It completely coats your hand, you barely had time to pull away the vibrator. He thrusts up into your hand, working himself through his wild orgasm. Once he's spent, he collapses his full body weight into the bed. You turn off the vibrator, and toss it aside, clean your hand and snuggle up beside him to offer some aftercare. You run your clawed fingers over his scalp and antennae, scratching slightly. He purrs and leans into your touch. "Do you need anything? A drink or a snack?" You whisper softly.

"No, I'm good."

"Did I push you too far?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. "No, I am fine."

You smile and place your hand over his heart to check. It's beating a little fast, but it's calming down slowly.

He places his hand on top of yours. "I am touched, that even still you attend and dote on me so dearly." He says to you.

"Of course. It would be cruel of me not to, especially as your mate." You lean down and nuzzle him a little before giving him a deep passionate kiss, to which he hums happily into.

"Mmm. Yummy." You giggle.

Zim rolls his eyes and cuddles close to you. "Where's GIR?"

"Probably watching TV, as usual love."

"Mmm." He nods in acknowledgment.

"What are our plans today?"

"I was thinking we could go out to the park tonight. It'll be dark and late enough to where we shouldn't need our disguises. I have some scans and tests I want to run on the flora and fauna."

"Anything for you, my Tallest." You purr, teasingly. Zim goes very still and looks at you with a twinkle in his eye. You grin. 

Zim growls playfully and dives after you, rolling you around in the bed for another romp.

* * *

Today was a good day!

You had spent most of the day conducting research inside the basement of the house alongside your mate. He had made several breakthroughs in his work and was quite excited to get outside and see what he could find. You took your time suiting up, as there was no rush. You had chosen to wear one of your better bodysuits that Zim took the liberty of upgrading personally. It was black with silver accents that framed your curves, and Zim _loved_ watching you strut around in it. 

You stepped out into the living room where both Zim and GIR were waiting for you. Zim had turned upon hearing your entry, and whistled as he looked you up and down.

You rolled your eyes and walked over to him to plant a loving kiss on his lips. 

"Hmph!" 

You turned and looked down, to see GIR crossing his arms and glaring at you. You grin.

"Aww, I'm sorry. Did I forget about you, hun?"

GIR nods.

"I'm sorry baby. C'mere!" You bend down and open your arms, giggling as GIR shrieks and runs over to your waiting embrace. You hug him close and pepper kisses all over his little metal face, which causes him to giggle manically. You grin and then look up, noticing Zim stare at you lovingly. "What's up?" You smile at him.

He realizes he's been staring, and seems to grow a few shades darker. Aww, he's so cute when he blushes. "Nothing! Zim was admiring his mate, nothing more!" He declares defensively.

You chuckle, rolling your eyes. "Alright tough guy, lets go to the park."

"Yes, onward!" He exclaims and begins to march you all out the door.

It took awhile, but you managed to arrive in decent time. Zim excitedly got to work, running around scanning things. You and GIR trailed behind closely, helping out where you could. GIR was on his best behavior, because you promised him a chocolate bar if he was a good boy. He was quite excited upon hearing this and nearly squealed.

"From what I understand, Zim, their food source is actually a mixture of sunlight, soil, water, and carbon dioxide." You explain to him about how the Earth's flora works.

"Do their plants hold any other uses though other than contributing oxygen?" He asked, as he scanned a rosebush.

"Not any here in the park, as far as I know. In older times they'd use certain plants for medicine, but modern technology has made them pull away from that. Certain flowers, such as the roses on the rosebush, symbolize things."

"Like what?"

"Well, Red roses symbolize love, passion, beauty, courage and respect. Humans often get a bouquet of roses for their significant others on certain dates. It's considered romantic."

"Interesting. I-"

"Yesss, how interesting indeed!"

"Oh for fuck sake, not YOU again!" You snap and stomp your foot as Dib drops from a nearby tree. It's then that you notice there is something shiny in his hand. You panic. "ZIM! WATCH OUT FOR THE-"

It's no use, Dib already is climbed on top of Zim's back, brandishing a knife and holding it close to Zim's neck. Zim seems startled. Pissed, but startled.

"I forgot how irritatingly quick on your feet you can be." He mutters angrily.

"Shut up! Now YOU!" He says nodding into your direction. "You're gonna tell me everything there is to know about you, and why you're here."

You narrow your eyes. "Excuse me?"

"Didn't you hear me?! I said-"

"No, I heard you, it's just taking me a minute to comprehend your bullshit. Fucking butter-faced piss-bucket." 

Dib looks surprised, like he entirely expected to have the upper-hand. "What are you talking about? And why are you so calm?!" He snaps at you and then Zim.

He's right. Zim is completely calm. He's seen you fight before, he knows what you can do. Dib, on the other hand? He has no idea who he's fucking with.

Your mind faintly registers GIR backing up and holding up a boombox [blasting music, likely for dramatic effect.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPeWGXE1U2Q) (Its a youtube link. Literally perfect song for this part.)

"You have no idea what you're doing, Dib. Let my mate go. **Do not test me.** " You threaten in an eerily calm voice, flaring your wings protectively. 

Dib swallows his nerves, and tries to brace himself. "Enlighten me."

"As you wish." You snarl. 

With lightning-fast speed, you launch forward and rip Dib off of Zim. Zim scrambles behind you, standing next to GIR at a safe distance so he can observe the fight.

You pin Dib up against the tree roughly by the throat and toss his knife to the side, letting the 12 year old's feet dangle a good few feet off the ground. Dib didn't even realize what had happened because he _literally_ blinked and suddenly found himself being choked by a strong hand. He gasps for air, and you tighten your grip, watching his face begin to turn red. Zim, ever the scientist, jots down some notes on the effect your attack is having on the human body. 

"Let's have a little talk." You purr, before sneering and baring your teeth towards him. You let go of him to drop and punt him a few feet away, causing him to land roughly and slide in the grassy dirt. Dib's hand clutches at his throat and he tries to cough and gasp for air, clearing his lungs. He looks up, his eyes widening fearfully when he realizes you're already standing over him. You brandish a dagger of your own. It glows a cobalt blue light and looks entirely otherworldly. Dib is mesmerized by it for a few seconds before he realizes that it's, in fact, pressed against his throat. 

The dagger does not feel metallic. In fact, it burns a little against his skin. Dib hisses, and glares angrily up at you. 

"Let me give you a word of advice." You sneer. "You want answers? You fucking be polite and ask them for answers instead of being creepy and goddamn stalking them all over town like a fucking lunatic." You press the dagger a little farther into his skin, and Dib snarls at you through the burning pain.

"You want to learn more about the paranormal? Instead of threatening to dissect them, how about you fucking ask them about themselves. I would have been happy to tell you about my home world, had you not always try to slice, hurt, and blow up my mate all the fucking time!"

"You're trying to take over the earth! It's my duty as Earth's sole defender to-"

"HAH! Do you actually think you can take me on all by yourself?! Oh that's cute."

"I can!" Dib angrily snaps.

You lean in real close to his face, and narrow your gaze at him. "I am trained in the art of assassination. I have killed aliens all over the entire galaxy. When I was your age, I was taking down entire alien agencies all on my own. I also have killed a few humans here on Earth who got a little cocky and tried to hurt me when I first arrived here 70 years ago. I've taken on your government, little boy. I've taken down Police, FBI agents, Marines, Navy Seals, and even a few so called paranormal experts of yours. Now tell me again. Do you think you can take me on in a fight?" You snarl right in his face.

Dib is completely silent, and looks like he just might shit himself.

"That's what I thought." You growl as you throw him back down to the ground. You turn around and begin to walk away, back towards Zim. Dib, the stupid kid, gets the bright idea to try to rush you from behind. But you've already anticipated an attack, and have already turned around and have pressed the flat part of the blade against his neck, pressing a button on the hilt of the dagger that causes a surge of electricity to pulse through it. It shocks him, causing him to cry out in agony and he yanks himself away from you, putting his hand over the third-degree burn on his neck.

You stand directly in front of him. He glares up at you, hissing in pain.

" **Bow to me**." You command.

"Excuse me?" 

"You're gonna be respectful, and **bow to me**."

"What?! No!" He cries incredulously.

" **Get on your knees.** Otherwise, I'm going to give you a matching burn on the other side of your neck."

He growls but gets on his knees in front of you and, begrudgingly, bows his head.

"Good. Now you listen, and listen good because I'm only going to say this once; I know your daddy isn't home because he's in his lab all day working on ray guns and shit, but you need to learn some fucking manners. Google the shit."

"How... how do you know about my father's work? Did Zim tell you?"

"Oh silly boy, who do you think got you grounded all those weeks ago in the first place?" You smile sickeningly sweet down at him. 

Dib's eyes widen in realization, and you turn around and walk over to your mate. Thankfully, Dib is so stricken by your words that he doesn't try to attack you again. 

"C'mon baby. I think we're done here." You say sweetly, as you walk past Zim. GIR puts away the boombox and happily follows after you, asking if he's been good enough to get that chocolate bar. Zim begins to trail after you, but pauses to look back at Dib, who is just staring onward in shock. Zim gives him a victorious grin and nods back in your direction with a wink, before turning around and following you home.

* * *

When you arrive back home, Zim is all over you. 

You had been barely able to toss GIR a chocolate bar before Zim had picked you up and carried you to the bedroom and threw you on the bed. Zim kicked the door shut behind him and locked it, and promptly pounced you. He planted a bruising kiss onto your lips, letting his hands grope and tug your body closer to his. 

"Mmmfph, Zim- Baby-" You try to speak between his eager, almost frantic kisses. "Baby, what's- going- on?"

Zim finally pulls back long enough for you to catch your breath. "That was marvelous. Superb." _Kiss_ "What you did out there." _Kiss_ "The way you glided through the air, the way you-" _Kiss_ "looked as you put him in his place was so _erotic and_ _alluring."_ He purrs devilishly. 

"Zim.." You said breathlessly. "Zim, I need you."

"I'm here, Life-Mate." He whispers soothingly.

"No, Zim, I _n_ _eed_ you." You whine.

He hums as he realizes your meaning. "Ah. Well then, I'd be _happy_ to accommodate you." He grins sinfully.

He lays you back, and takes a hold of your bodysuit by the collar and rips it right down the middle before ripping off his own clothes. You open your mouth to protest and scold him but he beats you to the punch.

"I'll make you another." 

You roll your eyes, but yelp when you grabs your wrists and pins them above your head. Feverish kisses are repeatedly placed on your lips, and you groan happily into the kiss. But then you squeal when you feel his cock brush against the outer lips of your pussy. 

"Mmm, sensitive are we?" He teases.

"Please, I've wanted you since this morning." You whine.

"Hmmm.." Zim taps his chin in thought. "I suppose I can be merciful. To you." He grins widely before slamming into you until he bottoms out. You both groan loudly as his hot, throbbing cock stretches your inner velvety walls. He grunts as he tries his best to keep still so you can adjust to his large size. Once you give him the go-ahead, he begins to ram himself repeatedly inside of you.

"Nn-... No matter how many times I take you, you're always so _tight."_ He hisses in sheer concentration. "Your c-cunt is like a clamp around me."

You moan unabashedly at his words and try to wriggle your wrists out of his grasp, but your attempts only cause him to chuckle darkly.

"Feeling d-desperate my mate?" He breathes as he gives you a particularly rough thrust of his hips.

"Yes! I want to touch you!" You cry out.

He smiles breathlessly, but does not release your wrists.

"Zim, please! Let me touch you!" 

He refuses.

You growl, and wrap your legs around his waist and flip him onto his back, causing him to cry out on surprise. You don't give him time to adjust, you begin to bounce on top of his cock, throwing your head back to moan. You grind your hips against his pelvis to give some friction to your clit, and it feels _wonderful._ Zim's hands dive down to grip your ass, and his claws leave little marks on your skin as he lifts you up and then slams you back down onto him.

"You feel so good wrapped around me." He whimpers. "Please don't stop."

"Didn't plan on it, not when your cock keeps getting that s-sweet spot. Fuck, you're so big!" You whine, and pick up the pace a little, making him hit your g-spot even harder.

"Yes, yes yes don't stop" He hisses out as he begins to thrust his hips back up into you causing you to cry out. But your legs are starting to tire, which Zim notices. He flips you back over, choosing not to pin you down this time. Instead he drapes himself over you and then plants sensual kisses all across the mating scar on your neck as he begins to relentlessly pound into you with such force that your whole body recoils each and every time. His thrusts are becoming more and more aggressive with each and every rut of his hips, it's like fucking you is the only thing he currently knows how to do. Your walls are tightening around him, you both can feel it when he throbs inside of you.

"I'm c-close." You hiss in warning.

"I am t-too." His voice is hoarse. "F-fuck, I'm not gonna last."

"Cum in me, please! Fill me up!" You whine, rocking your hips up to meet his.

Zim groans and rolls his head back, shouting out his climax. The pressure builds, and you cum right along side him. You both sob, drunk and intoxicated from the intensity of your orgasms, and try to ride them out together. Once you are both sated, Zim collapses beside you. He reaches for you, and you tiredly squirm over to meet his embrace. 

"Mmm, I'll happily kick Dib around like a football if that's how you thank me."

Zim chuckles and presses a kiss to your forehead. "Let's get some rest, my mate."

You hum in agreement, and lay there in comfortable silence when Zim speaks again.

"Hey, Life-Mate?"

"Yes?"

"What's a football?"

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys don't hate me for getting violent against a 12 year old. Hehe. ^_^"  
> Anyway!
> 
> What did you think?! I hope you guys liked it, I really enjoy writing these. I'm sorry that there wasn't a whole lot of angst, if at all. I'm not good at that lmao  
> I tried!
> 
> -Mistress ♥


End file.
